An amusing Help Desk Tale
INSTALLING HUSBAND v1.03
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.03 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jeweller applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.03 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a virus like program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a Trojan in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.03 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, unable to multi-task and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
IT SUPPORT DESK
David Jenyns Presents SEO Made Simple
Melbourne Internet Marketers Event 12th July 2010 at Richmond Library
Presenter David Jenyns
Participant’s Review (in Perspective) of SEO
Arrived late due to a misunderstanding of address at 45 Church St as opposed to 415 Church St but all well worth the walk! What a great information night and for those of you who did not turn up – you missed genuine secrets shared by David who is not only a young achiever but ever so humble and willing to share. Let’s see if we can re-capture some of the salient points discussed.
Review
SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) involved both On Page and Off Page Optimisation strategies. On Page Optimisation requires code changes to the pages whilst Off Page Optimisation techniques can include market intelligence as well as tools engagement.
Key steps to a business client’s SEO journey involve ticking off the following:
- Understand Product/Service and ensure that the business backend model is sound
- Research target market/competition/key words relating to the product/service
- Build the website and map keywords for optimisation (Metatags, titletags, body …)
- Install Google Analytics and Master Tools and analyse over 3 months
- On Page Optimisation/Conversion of traffic to sale ensuring that the contact info flow starts from top right hand corner
- Engage Google Places (Local)
- Engage Google Adwords
- Quick Cash promotion/customer reach out (send email to clients with discount offers etc)
- Off Page Optimisation engaging Video Marketing, Traffic Geyser (10 biggest Questions clients ask and should ask)
- Produce a white paper (20page report) for client – build database and auto responses to capture email addresses and their biggest frustrations
- Utilise Web2.0 Twitter/Facebook/Foursquares to be applied after 3 months
- Press Release – apply branded content (video that does not spread virally)
- Regular blogging, optimise with 20 KW, interview experts with top 10 questions plus set up Google alerts
- Build informational products for clients eg a course – 5 ways to strengthen the back if client is Chiropractor
Recommended Tools and Tips
- Directory Maximiser to virally create backlinks eg SEO Method Directory Maximiser
- Amazon’s books or keywords
- Ezine articles.com for articles that can be used for blogs and build backlinks back to Home page
- Dmoz directory (NB: Does not do SE submission)
- Market Samurai
- AMA-Article Marketing Automation or SEO Method AMA
- Google Apps (incl.Google Docs) to control site work if outsourcing
- Magento (Open source shopping cart)
- Royalty Free Images or istock.com (paid images)
- Use Release forms if interviewing
3 KEY takeaways
- Approach SEO in a systematic manner and ensure that analytics are assessed prior to building deep for other pages
- Relevancy of KW to page and only 1 KW to 1 page
- Use Google Apps for controlling outsourcing assignments of site
Every three seconds, somewhere in the world a blog commits suicide
Okay, maybe I'm a little off with my maths, but if you look around, blogs are crawling off, into forgotten corners of the web and just blinking out of existence at a sickening pace. Let's call these Suicidal Blogs
Why?
Because most blog writers are fickle and selfish, all they care about is becoming popular and rich.
If the blog they write does not perform the way they want it too, they neglect it, to the point it can no longer take it, then it dies (Commits Suicide!)
This is the sad state of things but it's true.
Can we really blame the author of the blog?
Of course not, why because no one can expect them, to throw love at a blog, day after day and never get anything in return.
So to show bloggers how to get more in return from the blogs they write, a great new PDF has been made available, called “Talking Down A Suicidal Blogger”.
It's all about the “secret” methods that all the “guru” bloggers have been using right under our noses.
Look, I don’t want to spoil the surprise and be like the jerk at the movie theater who tells you the ending before the show, so I’ll let the report speak for itself. After all, it is free so why not grab it yourself, here now.
I can blurt out the “secrets” here and now, it sounds so simple! However, you really need to see the whole report to get the maximum affect. When you open the PDF and get a chance to see the examples and the mind maps you will get so much more than I can explain here, without plagiarizing this well written publication. It really works I am seeing more readers and profits already!
I enjoy writing this style of blog post because someone already did the work of explaining the “secrets” for me, while I get to receive credit for passing along valuable information to you.
Don’t let your blog commit suicide. Show it the love you once gave it the day you wrote your very first post. Only this time around, you will have the knowledge of the “secrets” and they will unlock the hidden pleasures only a writer and a successful blog can share.
Here is the link again to download your own free copy while they last.
Check it out, you never know you could be saving the life of a suicidal blog
Viral Link Network
The Viral Link Network Is Here
There was a time when I thought all you had to do was build the best looking, most useful website was the way to strike it big on the internet. I worked hard at it, too, and take pride in my websites. I soon realized that a great website didn't put a single penny in my pocket.
There was the problem? No traffic, nobody was coming to my sites, because they were virtually invisible. I needed to rank higher in the search engines and get more traffic. I needed to build those back link things and luckily, I discovered Viral Link Network (VLN) which solves that problem.
While other software is bloated and practically requires a degree in computer science to install, Viral Link Network is as easy as it gets. Let's face it, it doesn't matter how good a piece of software is if you can't figure out how to install it, or if the process is overly-complicated.
Once you have Viral Link Network up and running, you'll wish every other piece of software was that simple.
Once you go to the site and sign up for free, (yes, VLN is free!) you are taken to a page that has a special offer. While it's optional, I would highly recommend getting it if you are serious about building links and getting your site seen. After that you will enter the member area. How easy is it? Just click the download link that says "Download Now". Save it, then use the installation key that's provided to you. Every thing is laid out step-by-step in the guide that comes with your free download.
The makers of Viral Link Network are definitely interested in helping people to get links to their sites, too. You will notice on the welcome page that there is a Fast Mover Bonus. The only catch is that you have to install Viral Link Network within the first seven days of signing up.
Of course, you will want to be up and running right away, but it's a nice touch that they want to encourage people to get the most out of the software.
But is the software itself any good?
Some earlier attempts at automated link building were adequate for their time. However, they left too many virtual fingerprints by using the same IP address for each back link. The problem is that it's very easy to catch on to that, and link building that's done that way is often counterproductive, because you can be penalized for it. That's why I appreciate that Viral Link Network uses many different IPs when building links.
To put it simply, there is plenty to like about Viral Link Network. The fact that it's a smart and powerful piece of software that's free and easy to install makes it what I consider a true no-brainer.
Don't forget to grab the special offer, too. When you download VLN, you will start getting traffic to your websites like never before. Take advantage of it now, you'll be glad you did.
So if you want to uncomplicate your SEO, and start building the links to your sites I suggest you have a look at Viral Link Network The best thing is it doesn't cost your cent!
Article Marketing: A Beginner’s Guide
Article Marketing: A Beginner's Guide
With Article Marketing you write articles on the topic of your niche and submit them to online publishers such as article directories, ezine editors, and article announcement lists. Along with each article you include a resource box, which is basically a short author bio that includes a link back to your website.
This resource box is the key to everything–this is the one spot where you can talk about yourself and your website and provide a link to your website. Every time your article is re-published, your article gains exposure and you gain a backlink to your website.
An increase in backlinks can elevate your Google ranking, and a higher ranking can dramatically increase the traffic your website receives over the long term.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO IT?
Website owners want and need visitors to their websites, and article marketing delivers. You can receive visitors directly from the articles and also from search engines.
Additionally, an article marketing campaign does a great job of establishing an author as an expert in his field, and also bringing publicity for a business or website.
Through the article, the author has the chance to teach his target readers valuable information, which can build customer confidence and increase the likelihood of making a sale.
WHAT ARE THE PERKS OF ARTICLE MARKETING?
Article marketing is perhaps the most popular marketing tool for the average website owner for two simple reasons:
1) It's easy (anyone can do it).
2) It works.
Every business owner nowadays needs a website, but very few business owners have the time and technical know-how to learn the ins and outs of search engine optimization (SEO).
In fact, the average website owner probably doesn't care about the technical reasons behind how search engines work–all they want is targeted leads coming to their website.
Article marketing makes everything very simple:
=> Just write articles on the topic of your niche.
=> Write a resource box and include a link back to your website.
=> Submit the articles.
=> Repeat this process every month.
And you're all set–you are doing search engine optimization for your website, whether your realize it or not!
You're just doing what you already know how to do–writing. In fact, even if you don't consider yourself to be a great writer you can still construct a decent article and reap the rewards of article marketing.
WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES?
By far the biggest challenge of article marketing is being consistent in your article submissions. For best results, you will submit articles each month over the lifetime of your website. I recommend submitting 8 per month.
The second biggest challenge is coming up with a steady stream of topics to write about. Some people have an easier time with this than others, but it can be done.
The third biggest challenge is being patient–as with any tool designed to increase search engine ranking, it will likely take several months before you start to see an impact from your efforts. Search engines re-evaluate rankings every 3-4 months, so in the first few months you will likely not see much of a change. Be patient though, and your discipline will pay off.
IT'S EASY TO GET STARTED
If you are new to website marketing, I encourage you to get your feet wet with Article Marketing. Many website owners use Article Marketing as their primary marketing tool and see excellent results. So why not start writing your first article today?
Magnify the impact of your articles by submitting to more publishers. You'll also build more backlinks and get more traffic to your website. Steve Shaw created the web's first ever 100% automated article submitter, SubmitYOURArticle.com, which distributes your articles to hundreds of targeted publishers with the click of a button. For more information go to=> http://www.SubmitYOURArticle.com
Source: http://www.submityourarticle.com
Permalink: http://www.submityourarticle.com/a.php?a=60979
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